Declan Andrews – The Diary of a University Lecturer

The Diary of a University Lecturer

1st of October 2012

 

Today was the start of a new term. I only had the one lecture and it was for first year students so all in all a nice easy start. I didn’t really prepare anything for the lecture if I’m honest, mainly because I was up all night researching my new project, ‘How to Save a Duck From The Material Aspects of the Immaterial World’. Nevertheless, I got up about midday and was on campus by two. There were students loitering everywhere. They make me sick.

 

15th of October 2012

 

Two weeks into term now. Today was mainly taken up by office hours. I cancelled them for the first two weeks of term to focus on my research but if you cancel too much you get the keen students on your case. Some girl called Genie came to see me about an essay mark. I had to bite my tongue but, honestly, the essay was complete and utter poppycock. Went out for dinner with Maggie this evening and then worked on my research for an hour or so. I must say I am feeling a bit ill though, perhaps I’m coming down with something.

 

4th of February 2013

 

Having been on sick leave for the past three months due to this pestering cold I had to return to work today. It’s pay day next week so I thought it best to show my face. I gave a lecture on Marx and afterwards a rather attractive girl called Carla came to ask me about Historical Materialism. My God was she beautiful! She can ask me questions all day.

 

21st of February 2013

 

Woke up early to get some research done and then went for coffee with my sister in town. We discussed the ozone. In fact, we became so engrossed that I almost forgot about my afternoon lectures. I rushed back to my office and copied down some notes from Wikipedia. These students never notice the difference anyway.

 

5th of March 2013

 

I completed a large section of my research project today. The chapters ‘Ducks Can Really Read’ and ‘The World is a Cynical Boat’ are complete. I will finish ‘Everything Material is Immaterial’ tomorrow in my office hours. Here’s hoping no students turn up.

 

7th of March 2013

 

I saw Carla walking down the corridor. She was wearing a low cut top and I am pretty sure we made eye contact. Those legs. God help me.

 

14th of March 2013

 

They gave me a heap of essays to mark today but until this research is finished they can wait. I had lunch with Tim from the History department. He’s a two-faced guy if you want to know the truth but he covered some lectures for me so I owed him a lunch. There’s a lot to be said for sycophancy.

 

1st of April 2013

 

Whoever came up with April Fools Day is a sick bastard. Hannah, one of the insignificant admin assistants put superglue on one of the chairs. She’s nothing more than a simple minded excuse for a person. I never liked her.

 

25th of April 2013

 

I got around to marking the essays today and they nearly sent me mad so I scanned through the second half of them. The moderator will check them anyway. Carla’s essay was sublime.

 

17th May 2013

 

Today was the last day of term and, thus, the last day of lectures. Thank Jesus! The department awarded me lecturer of the year which, I must say, surprised me slightly considering I missed three months. Perhaps they’ll give me a pay rise. I also had a peek through the university records and found out where Carla lives but she lives all the way up in Scotland so no luck there. Not to worry. A summer of research awaits…

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